best valentines day ever

how is it possible that i'm single and i had a better valentine's day than i ever had with a bf? even though i only got about 6 or 7 hours of sleep last night i woke up happy and wide awake today. yesterday i dressed in red, hot for work, sunny day, enjoying my new job, got valentines wishes from a new friend in class and my cousin alice, a phonecall from an old high school buddy, had anthony come over at 11 last night to gorge ourselves with coldstone heart strawberry chocolate ice cream cakes and laugh till 1 a.m...

this weekend i am driving down to LA to the sports camp counselor meeting with calli and alex and have a campout. calli is raving about how i'll meet a ton of cool ppl and how it'll be such a blast. i'm excited but honestly, i'm a little nervous too. i'm sure my social skills won't fail on me, but still. i'm not used to putting myself out there for things like this. still, i'm happy with my life and i think there's a lot of stuff to look forward to.

i'm fucking 18, pretty much on my own, and i'm not gonna be fucking unhappy or lonely anymore

I'm entering a new phase of my life called, "i'm fucking 18, pretty much on my own, and i'm not going to be fucking unhappy or lonely anymore."

i am loving all the new friendships i'm making in my deanza classes. it gives me hope that perhaps i will be able survive in this world, and i will not have to go at it alone. alex and i came to a new revelation, thanks in part to calli, that we don't need a significant other to sustain us, that if our relationships with our friends/family are strong enough, they can make up for it and we can get through life content. sometimes things still get so hard. what if the void comes back, esp. after alex and anthony leave? it is easy to make aquaintances, but to find the real, deeper connection that i share with my two best friends is a different story. and with my not-so-exciting personality? we will see. i have hope.