Swimming through the universe, one light-year at a time.

Swimming through the universe, one light-year at a time.
NCG 4631 "The Whale Galaxy"

Saturday, September 24, 2005

even though it won't last

i'm pretty happy nowadays, for the most part.

school starts monday, got all my books. a whoppin $230. not including Brave New World.

i'll be studying in ITALY for spring qtr!

within the next month i'll be going to 5 concerts...first one (nin w/ queens of the stone age) starts this friday!

i've got enough to get my skull heart tattoo in a couple weeks...shh.

sax lessons are going great. this instrument is damn sexy.

Friday, September 23, 2005

because i have social anxiety disorder

ya know, even though i really only have 2 friends that i hang out with, my life feels more than full. even a little overwhelming at times, but i love them. in fact, whenever i try to include a new person to my life, it seems to take up so much energy on my part that i begin to wonder if it's even worth it and eventually cast them out, like a floating bubble that slowly levitates and pops. it's just that i'm such a shy and guarded person. it's emotionally draining to be forced past my social comfort zone for too long. i'd love to make new friends, but it's difficult.

treated my old friend brian to a meal at the gourmet diner for his last night in cupertino. he's off to ucla. i've lost touch with him too, i know, but tonight was great. starting school myself will be stressful but a relief at the same time. this summer has been long and dreamlike, with certain moments like nightmares, some emptily comatose, and some like the sweetest taste of heaven.

now that i finally no longer feel the need to smoke, anthony has gone and bought some strawberry cigarillos! oh rats...

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Peach Cigarillo

Once I couldn't get you out of my head
You're similar to but much stronger than my first cigarette
or the peach cigarillo that wouldn't burn at the end
it took 50 tries for the flame to give
And when it did
You set my heart on fire
then flicked away the ashes like you didn't give a shit.
Oh, the first taste is always the sweetest
the inhalation burns my throat
But I don't mind
I was dead inside
the emptiness ate at me from the core
like waking up thinking there's nothing to live for
until the smoke reached my head and opened my eyes
that was you
the greatest high of my life.
now I turn to fumes to light up the times.

Saturday, September 10, 2005


Let me tell you. I have never been more happy to be un-high than right now in my life. That scared the shit out of me. I am taking better care of Annie from now on.

Monday, September 05, 2005


ever since guillermo's party, i've had this obsession with smoking anything i can get my hands on. hookah, cigarettes, whatever. well, really, i use these as a substitute for what i've really been wanting, but that's alright, even cigarettes can get me a little buzzed.

the get-together at anthony's was lots of fun. smoked hookah and didn't sleep at all, went home at 7 a.m to help my brother pack and see him off for ucsd again. then work, work, work. i can't wait for my own school to start, even if it is just De Anza. i want to meet new people and move my life forward (and see all the freakin' concerts in october!). didn't do anything too big this summer, but there have been a few experiences that have had quite an impact on me.

i can proudly, finally, say i AM over my ex and our past horrible, tumultuous relationship. and this may not be very often or last very long, but for the most part, i am happy.