Swimming through the universe, one light-year at a time.

Swimming through the universe, one light-year at a time.
NCG 4631 "The Whale Galaxy"

Monday, January 23, 2006

i wish i could be more useful

I guess my loneliness was a tool for your own
you trap me in your blender, mix it on high
pieces blur together like sadness and wine
i'm such a sucker for love
i'm such a loser i have no idea what's going on
in your head things play out over and over to a dreaded nights sleep
and when you wake up i'll try to be there
i'll try to be there

but it's like running through broken furniture and water
it's like thinking you came out on top right before you go back under
i'm so scared
you'll quit breathing and then what happens next?
you're so fragile you didn't notice that despair crept
up on you
while you slept

and i'm all smiles right up to my ears
i'm nervous because your voice confirms my fears
and i don't know what to do i want to comfort you
but i'm at a loss for words
i'm at a loss for emotions and now i know i've lost you

Saturday, January 07, 2006

how i felt then and now

Low self-esteem can take a hike
or at least ride in the backseat for now
I'm done with bitchin and never getting anything done
I'm done with the high of feeling like a loser and never expecting one
good thing to come my way and be genuine, say
would you like to be my girlfriend?
My god, I'm scared shitless
your body frame is small but you fill up a whole lot of space
right here beneath my lung case
I'm gonna fuck it up, I know I will
nervously slap and streak on my makeup an hour before
no but I'll never be good enough for you, not until
you say you're mine and even then your beauty so unique
blows my mind, and transcends gender

You came along at just the right time
just right after that loser what's-his-face split
Holy shit, I think I'm gonna die
We're both an hour late but that's okay
I'm dressed in a short skirt and ready to rock n' roll
from the corner of my eye behind you
you turn your head back to catch my stroll
what a great feeling
kiss me with those scorching eyes,
see through me with that soft mouse smile
i'm upside down on the inside, so we leave the Rocky Horror show
and have ourselves a ball
i'll sit back at home happy disoriented waiting for your call
that'll never come, that'll never come
i'm so much in love
with something that never was.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006


I claim no one for myself
I battle inner demons and lonliness bouts
I take only enough to maintain my health
and then some, sometimes...
but that is only because I forget where I stand
when the wind has shaken my sense of validity
and my eyes sting from a hailing reality
I cannot hold solid to the ground.
My legs grow weak where your love is concerned
which is no concern of yours at all
why, it's only a fraction of your life in return
for my bloody heart pestering every waking moment
of this existence, just knowing of your existence
is like sun to sky
spreading every inch of warmth through the nerves
then burning the hell out from these cells of derm
my skin is thin
it breaks too easily
much too sensitive to just let you in
but i do,
and so it begins.