Swimming through the universe, one light-year at a time.

Swimming through the universe, one light-year at a time.
NCG 4631 "The Whale Galaxy"

Sunday, August 19, 2007

My Next Journey

Don't come near me.
My next trip will be on a red-sheeted gurney
I've lost track of all sight, but I can tell
that life's no longer a journey.
It is an ending waiting to manifest;
It never should have started, now I hate to admit:
I lived my life sleeping in the cellar
of someone else's heart
It pounded loud and lucid
but always left me in the dark.
Now there's not enough blood pumping
to satisfy my own breathing.
My last wish is to leave this bed in peace
for this is the trivial sound
of an existence unraveling.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

The Pulp

I placed the fault upon others
when the seed resided within myself,
and when others cared enough to touch me
the pulp began to develop:
What started small and insignificant,
sprouted thorns and leaves, while I,
powerless to cease my own vegetation
became dependent upon an artificial fertilization.
What I thought was love - was poison.
I thrived on a toxin so exquisite, the taste
never quite left my recollection
Now it courses through my veins, like acid
rendering every feeble cell, contaminated. Well,
everyone knows the only way to kill the vine
is to trace it back to the roots, unfortunately mine
lay at the center of all my breaths and fruits:
the Heart, so be it.
I will be satisfied when the job is completed;
when I suffer from my own obsessions no more,
my body will be depleted.

Monday, June 04, 2007

the cancer

I was trying not to let it spread
as it lay, heavy, against my chest
but the cancer became a welcome guest
and I; its host -
It greedily fed
upon the empty niche inside my breast
see, I was a glutton
for unrest, from the very onset
of this life I led
and it won't be much longer, now
my heart's almost gone.
they say, "Death be not proud"
but they were wrong.
I am filled with pride:
the darkness gives me strength, and desire,
and drive
to walk not only through euphoria vines
but to battle this perpetual oppression of night
and relief, in knowing
that someday,
I may end my fight.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007


Glad to understand that you never saw much in me i remember being terrified of what you would think knowing my looks were lacking and my personality insufficient but what really mattered was not my overall disposition but just a human presence you wanted to fill in the missing segments she took with her when she left and the trauma you suffered last summer i don't blame you i feel for you i can't compare to but i must admit i felt dead before i met you i liked it because you were a blow to my pride i let it down for yours and now i'm paying the price even as i watched all this happen i was aware of a painful recurrence i nurtured another developing ache now it's swollen it's just the same old still i wonder if you ever thought of her when you were with me when you lay with me and touched my skin yours was icy cold it stung my lips it doesn't matter i created meaning to something which didn't exist i'm glad i was good enough for the moment just a substance to make you forget or act as another ephemeral high i hope what you said wasn't a lie that you really liked me not just to stroke my broken ego or an attempt for atonement i think the move was a smart one to protect your heart from those who would destroy it i hope you heal from your hurt and the damage she's done i understand you deserved someone after her defective love glad i could be of assistance grateful for what heartsickness you added to my experience and finally glad you let me go before i could show resistance.

Friday, March 30, 2007

temporary insanity

Good to know I never parted with insanity
good to know I'm still a living piece of shit
For a moment there
thought I might've had a chance to quit
all these self-damaging fabrications of hurt
they're not real, no not legit,
then how the fuck did they get in?
Do you know the reason I'm fascinated by God
is that I don't believe in Him
I'm enthralled by the beauty of all incantations
but have no regard for sin.
remember I'm a walking piece of shit
i seek love where there is none left
I am the body
of the soul gone dead.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

I hate insomnia

Because I've got trouble sleeping at night
I exhaust my body's energy until
my mind can no longer hold the abuse
It collapses on the other side -
as the unconcscious takes this opportunity to let loose,
the inner eye seeks but does not find
and what is not seen is devoured with time.
So when I wonder what is gnawing inside my chest
when I wake to morning fog.
Is not the lack of oxygen
But an internal perception temporarily lost.