Here I am. This is my college life. And when I look at it I see that it is nearly perfect; that aside from my accumulated debt, I am living the life I wanted for this stage. The older I get, the more I understand and accept that nothing is stable, that every negative emotion and situation that comes my way will pass with the days, seasons, and years. It is utterly amazing to me that the sun always rises, even in this cold city, after any dreary or turbulent night, and throughout, as well as following, this lonely life.
The Doppler Shift
Such an array of emotions
from the distance, I am captivated by the simplicity of its truth
but up close, and in the raw
I am heartbroken by the knowledge
that the most luminescent
will be the most hard
to experience; to absorb into the center of this retina
with a reception much too skewed and limited
to perceive from.
These colors are cruel
they breach misery from their roots.
So when the shift comes to change my view
from the sweetly blue to a harsh and daunting red
I can already tell, and ruefully accept:
there will be many more moments before I perish
that I shall wish to be dead.
I pray you can't tell
I pray I never show
the depths of these emotions
which I so viciously feel.
So I stifle them well
like a murder victim, gagged and bound
held at gunpoint, 'till the trigger held taut
relaxes, and before the muscles can unrestrain,
the detonation hits my head,
and penetrates the skull.
The only sound -
the shock of death, so frighteningly loud
but only exists
between my own ears
and merely echoes
throughout closely confined chambers
of this heart.