don't know what to do

I am currently at a pivotal point in my school career and life, but I am completely conflicted about which route to take. The past 2 semesters since I transferred have been utterly unproductive, and while I've enjoyed my life upon moving to SF, I need to start getting serious.

So do I attempt to take on the burden of studying Physics and Astronomy? Or do I go back to my original love: English.

Plunging into Calculus was a mistake. Physics 111 was a nightmare. These blatant signals all flash red and point me in the direction of giving up. While the thought of doing this takes off a shitload of weight off my shoulders, I can't help but feel extremely disappointed and broken-hearted, deep down.

I have never truly challenged myself. I have never believed in myself. And this was my chance. But am I just kidding myself?

I don't know what to do. And I feel like the ambivalence is tearing me down.

All men live in suffering,
I know as few can know,
Whether they take the upper road
Or stay content on the low,
Rower bent in his row-boat
Or weaver bent at his loom,
Horseman erect upon horseback
Or child hid in the womb.
-W.B. Yeats, from "The Wild Old Wicked Man"

Summer is over

August was the time of my life,
I turned 21 and drank all the time.
September I rejoined humanity,
I met a cute girl at a bar
and ended my celibacy.
But now October has come,
the wind has chilled
the summer is gone
All Hallow's Eve is near
and it's time to face my demons.