I'm taking a Sex & Relationships course this semester, not completely of my own choice but to fulfill a "Relationships of Knowledge" segment required to graduate. This partially forced class is a welcome guest to my schedule (even if it is at 8am), not only for its low difficulty and juicy subject matter, but for the opportunity it gives me to examine a lot of issues I've had with the topic. This course follows the life-cycle of a relationship, among many other aspects, and I can already tell looking through the syllabus that it's going to be a real heart-jerker for me: sexual attraction & beauty, falling in love with whom & why, lovers from friends, friends with benefits, being single, non-monogamy, sources of conflict between the sexes, ex-sex, jealousy, infidelity, abuse, deterioration of a relationship, etc. And that's just a small slice of the pie.
For a long time I have felt myself too plagued to ever be able to enter another romantic relationship, and I've almost too comfortably come to terms with it. Some people pine away at the idea of finding an unearthly partner, helplessly drawn into the raptures of love, and spending the rest of their lives with that person, but I am not one of them. I would be content to be single for the rest of my life, but certain things, like human emotion, seem to get in the way. I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised to find that I'm not alone in this mindset, especially among females. Upon talking to a few of my neighbors, though their philosophies not quite as drastic mine, the concept of being in love was supported as being an undesirable thing, at least for the time being, and they were performing careful balancing acts in their lives to ensure what they did have going on did not turn into something too extreme.
What surprises me more is how few people actually know what a healthy relationship is. I, myself have never seen the light of one, though I like to think that I have a good grasp of my own emotions and understanding my interactions with other people. However, I may have to eat my words, for what scares me more than what a potential partner could do to me, is what I could, and have, done to myself. For as F.D.R so kindly admonished:
"Beware the werewolf and your own heart's desire."
I have a feeling there will be many more posts regarding what I'll be getting from this class.